Lesson Learned #1

I've always thought of myself as pretty tough mentally, not necessarily susceptible to the opinions of others.  But when your mother has something to say about the way you do things, and where things are falling short or need to be changed, you don't think, "Aw, she's just tired and stressed.  Deep down she knows I am doing my best and can improve over time."

Instead, because it is your mother, you think.  "I knew deep inside I was doing a lousy job!  It makes me upset to confront that right now." And then the defenses kick in.  It is not a good place to be.  Because your mom knows you, right?  She saw your little personality forming from the beginning and is a good judge of who you really are, right?  It is a small step to go from thinking the best about yourself to giving way to tiny seeds of doubt that are always floating around.

So, what have I learned?  Once the anger subsided, and I tried to read my scriptures, my mind too
 busy to absorb the words on the page, a simple thought crossed my mind.  "This is what it feel like when your mom is critical of you."  Boy, I haven't felt that yucky for a long time, and my mind went to my kids.

My kids.
How must they feel where their mom is critical of them?
Not big things,  I make sure to not attack their very core, but when I stop to think, all the little things I correct them on all the time were similar to the things MY mom was saying to me.  And every single one of those things made me feel a little smaller.

Mom apologized to me immediately, but it took me a little longer to be OK with it.  She asked me to erase everything she said and I told her it was too late, I had already written everything down.  But after reflecting on how I talk to my own kids, how can I not forgive her?  It's something that I need forgiveness for myself.

If no one is ever critical of you, how can you EVER have enough compassion to know what someone feels like who has been criticized? This experience is probably a blessing to me.  I spent the entire day yesterday NOT being critical to my own kids.  And it was a much better day.